"On Healing" August 2004

Posted on Mon, Aug. 16, 2004
A climate of fear makes us less likely to be fair
By Dan Gottlieb

In these times of elevated and high terror alerts, our leaders tell us we should be more vigilant but live our lives normally. I haven't quite figured out how to do that, but I'm working on it. I know some people become frightened and withdrawn, some become cynical, but very few are untouched. And why? According to Skidmore College psychology professor Sheldon Solomon, author of In the Wake of 911: The Psychology of Terror, these acts or threats destroy the veneer we create to protect ourselves from fear of death.

According to Solomon and others who have developed "terror management theory," all living things possess an instinct to stay alive. But what makes humans unique is that we are the only creatures on the planet to know that someday we will die.

That awareness raises our anxiety to sometimes unmanageable levels. Solomon and his colleagues have found that the more anxious people get, the more likely they are to categorize the world as good or evil in order to manage the anxiety. His work is based on control studies completed over the course of 15 years. Additional studies have found that this may well be the origin of prejudice and discrimination.

In the short run, these defenses work quite well. If we convince ourselves that we are good and others are evil, then we can enjoin the battle on moral grounds. So if we focus on annihilating evil or suppressing an offending group, we feel less anxious, less vulnerable, and more righteous.

But this only works in the short run. Of course, in the long run, eventually we live our lives afraid of the "other," and we still never find the security we long for. So what do we vulnerable humans do?

In an article soon to be published in the journal, Psychological Science, researchers found that increased anxiety about one's death led to an increase of favorable evaluations of a charismatic candidate who reminds them of their vulnerability, and promises safety. That same anxiety produced more negative evaluations of a political candidate with a more balanced leadership style, one more interested in dialogue than aggression.

Similar studies were completed in Iran. According to Solomon, an Iranian colleague researched Iranian attitudes toward suicide bombers. In general, Iranians didn't much care for them. But when reminded of their mortality and vulnerability by those with authority, their attitudes toward suicide bombers became extremely positive.

These findings frightened Solomon: "What we've been finding is that when people are reminded of their mortality, they tend to cling rather tenaciously to cherish their respective cultural worldviews. So when the president declares that he has been chosen by God to rid the world of evil, people who feel anxious and vulnerable will be more attracted to him."

On the other side of the world, Solomon continued, people seem to be more enthusiastic about radical Islam when they are made to feel more vulnerable. "These positions are different sides of the same psychological coins," Solomon said.

What makes these positions especially dangerous is that the more we cling to our worldview, the less likely we are to engage in dialogue.

Much of life is about managing our anxiety. Our future could turn on the very personal issue of anxiety management. There are those who say we should vote with our heads and not our hearts. I disagree. I think we should vote with our hearts - the true voice of our hearts. All of this anxiety is because we cherish life. And much of what we cherish is about relationships, love, nature, and being part of a larger community. That's the voice of our hearts.

When we humans feel threatened, it is our instinct to control those uncomfortable emotions. But when we allow the unmanaged anxiety to dictate our decisions, it affects where we live, how we feel about other people, whether we buy guns, the size car we drive, and how we raise our children.

For most of us, vulnerability and death are pretty frightening. But if we listen to our hearts, we will hear that we are frightened because we love life, we love others. Maybe we ultimately cherish life because we love. Maybe we want safety so that we can continue to give and receive love. And hatred will never help us feel safe.

Posted on Mon, Aug. 02, 2004
Take your vacation every year, every week, every day
By Dan Gottlieb

Summer vacation. It's time to go to the Shore or mountains with family and finally get away from work. Maybe in the old days, but according to a recent survey by careerbuilders.com, a third of all workers take their work on vacation. That includes laptops, checking voice messages and e-mails, or staying in touch with the boss. Making things worse, the typical worker in 2003 gave back two vacation days. And 16 percent reported taking no vacation at all!

On a recent radio show I interviewed Rosemary Haefner, vice president of careerbuilders.com. She said the combination of increased worker stress and diminished respite is an epidemic. More than 40 percent of all workers say they work more than 40 hours a week. That same number reports their work load is too heavy and has increased significantly over the last six months. Worse, the people in her survey felt there was very little hope that the stress would diminish in the future.

Some of the callers complained that with downsizing, there was no one to do their jobs while they were on vacation. So if they didn't work while they were away, they would be overwhelmed when they returned. Others felt guilty about leaving work, and some felt their jobs would be in jeopardy if they didn't keep up while on vacation.

Of great concern was Haefner's report that 41 percent said they felt stress on the job but that it was manageable. She conjectured that these people had actually become accustomed to their own stress. And although their minds and bodies experienced stress, they could no longer feel its effects. Regardless, stress increases the body's levels of adrenaline and cortisol which, over time, can do much damage. In addition, stress causes people to shut down emotionally, which can greatly impact all intimate relationships.

Most of human behavior is about diminishing suffering. So when we feel stress, our instinct is to do whatever we need to do to eliminate the cause. If we feel work causes stress, our instinct is to work harder so that we can eliminate the source of the stress. We all know that is not the answer. Somehow, if we work harder and produce more, we inevitably have more work and more demands - and, of course, more stress. What can be done?

First, understand that stress is a reaction to a situation of perceived threat.

Second, try to cut down on reactivity by understanding the stress and how you experience it. Explore what the distress is really about and what makes it feel intolerable. If, eventually, you can understand and tolerate your distress, you will be less likely to have a reactive response. You can do this by frequently checking in with your body to see how you are feeling at any given moment. If you feel anxiety, don't try to react to it in an attempt to make it go away; just experience it.

Third, make a firm commitment to change something in your life. Either leave your work when you take a vacation, or make a commitment to not work overtime, or simply leave your work at work and don't take any home at the end of the day. This kind of change will probably feel uncomfortable and produce anxiety, but don't worry; the anxiety is there only because all change produces some anxiety.

Most religious texts talk about a Sabbath. Take one, and take one every week. Try to devote one day to neither working nor running around. Spend time with those you love. Perhaps read a book, listen to music or just look out the window. But take a complete vacation one day a week.

Finally, try to take vacations throughout the day. Just say no to working lunches. Make your lunch break a one-hour vacation. Spend the time with someone you enjoy being with, or by yourself. At least once in the morning and once in the afternoon take five minutes and check in with yourself. Notice that you are breathing. See how your body feels and do a stress check-in.

We cannot change the corporate structure but we can change ourselves. We must.

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