"On Healing" November 2004

Posted on Mon, Nov. 01, 2004
Healing a divided country before it turns disastrous
People tend to isolate themselves with others who think alike. But as we've learned from history, segregation is a dangerous trend.
By Dan Gottlieb

A Democratic friend recently went to protest at a local appearance of the President.

Anyone going to a political rally representing the minority view shouldn't expect a warm welcome. But my friend said she became frightened as she walked past some Bush supporters threatening to harm her.

Her experience raises the question: "How did we get here?" This is a person who was afraid in her community because of her political beliefs. Not only is this election bitterly divided, but this nation is deeply split and has been becoming more so for the last 30 years.

The problems go deeper than just politics, according to articles by Austin American Statesman columnist Bill Bishop and sociology professor Robert Cushing. Although the divide between Democrats and Republicans remains 50-50 nationally, local communities are increasingly in one camp or the other. From 1976 to 2000, Cushing concluded, partisan majorities had grown in eight of 10 U.S. counties. People are tending to live more with neighbors who think the same way.

And they tend to feed off one another's similarities, making their worldview increasingly the same. Watch the next time you socialize with friends who think as you do. When the discussion gets political, you will inevitably become "shocked" by how thoughtless those in the other camp are. By the end of the conversation, no one will have learned very much. And, say Bishop and Cushing, this is happening throughout our country.

Segregation, whether it is racial, economic or political, is about insecurity. When we isolate ourselves with "like-minded" people, and decide that others are inferior, we have the illusion of safety. But in the long term, segregation increases our insecurity because we live in fear of others taking away our power.

Tomorrow, we will choose the man who will lead a country that is more divided than it has been in many years. The divisiveness is getting worse, and so is the anger. And we know from history that this trend is dangerous.

So how do we fix this?

As a mental-health professional, I know that some solutions are counterintuitive. When parents complain that their child fails to heed them, they need to first listen to their child. Parents can get more of what they want by becoming more compassionate.

I met such a parent in 1976 Nobel Peace Prize winner Betty Williams. On a recent radio show, she described how she and other mothers had changed the climate in Northern Ireland:

When I asked about what she did, her answer was simple: "Everything. We had the worst economy in all of Europe and understood that we had to do something about economic hardship. Because violence cannot be simply stopped, it must be replaced with something. So we had to improve the economy." In 1978, she and other women went to the biggest crafts exhibition in Europe carrying samples of what they do best in Northern Ireland - linens, sweaters, etc. They returned home with more than $4 million worth of orders and offered Catholics jobs only if they would work with Protestants and vice versa. And so the process began. Williams and the other women mothered their country back to health.

Our country is not as violent as Northern Ireland. But there is a growing segregation that could be disastrous. So who will guide us back to health?

Betty Williams thinks like a mother and takes responsibility to help the healing process. We all should. Starting tomorrow.

To hear the complete interview of Betty Williams, or more about the political divide, go to: www.whyy.org/91FM/Voices.html.

Posted on Mon, Nov. 15, 2004
How can we chase fear that enveloped election?
By Dan Gottlieb

For the last two weeks, people have been asking me to write a column about healing after such a divisive election. No small request since I needed to do my own healing. I wondered how I could be objective enough to write a column about healing when all I could do is pretend to be normal while ruminating about catastrophic possibilities for our country.

And then I received an e-mail from Susan of Chester County. She said she was working the polls Tuesday evening on behalf of one party - she didn't say which one - and dutifully set out some of her party's brochures. She also stacked up 50 copies of my Nov. 1 column on healing the political divide. So she put two signs on her table: one advocating for her candidate, and the other titled "bipartisan inspiration." Few people picked up her party's brochures. But the columns went immediately.

We all hurt and we all want to heal.

This election, more than any in recent memory, was about fear. Both candidates played to the fear of an already frightened country. And this country was frightened well before 9/11. Five years ago, I wrote a column suggesting that our entire country suffered from an anxiety disorder. More people were moving to gated communities and taking antidepressants.

Since then, that anxiety has escalated to fear. Now it feels as though our lives and our nation are at stake. As I reported in my last column, people increasingly seem to be living with neighbors who think as they do. Segregation is a response to fear and insecurity.

Many who voted for Kerry did so out of fear. Fear about President Bush and what many consider his dangerous policies. And now what do we do with that fear? Simply live with it for another four years, turning our fear into anger, righteousness or resignation?

Many people who voted for Bush also did so out of fear; fear of terrorism, fear of changing presidents in the middle of a war, fear of a leader who is a "liberal."

Bush supporters may feel relief and vindication in the short run, but the fear will return. Terrorism is still here. Iraq remains a nightmare without an end. Iran and North Korea are dangerous and getting more so.

Much of the world is also frightened and vulnerable. Unfortunately, it is in our primordial nature to manage vulnerability with aggression. And in the short run, it seems to work even though beneath the hatred, we are still afraid.

For now, we really don't know what to do. President Bush says we will find the terrorists and destroy them. That might make us feel better, but deep down we all know that's not the way to end terrorism - only the way to end some terrorists. How do we stop this scourge of terrorism that seems to threaten the whole world? We need someone with the courage, insight and historical perspective to hear the true voice of all the different factions. King Solomon prayed to be able to hear with his heart. We need a world leader who can do the same. One who can understand suffering, honor humanity, and exhibit the strength to be humble.

So while I am waiting, how will I cope? I have always felt that faith and fear are opposites. So I will try my own form of fundamentalism.

As I try to understand the wisdom of Jesus, the Buddha, Mohammed and the Hebrew Bible, the essence of what they all seem to be saying is to simply feed the hungry. So, I will take their advice and call MANNA or the food bank in my area and offer to help. Who knows? Maybe someone I feed will one day have enough strength and wisdom to emerge as the world visionary we desperately need.

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